Giving your child positive feedback will improve self esteem and let your child know that they are doing something good. It’s easy to get in into the habit of correcting or disciplining your children without telling them what you do like about their behavior. I try and put myself in their shoes. I wouldn’t want to be told I was doing things wrong all day.
I’ve been having my kids do school work and reading all summer. They have fought me almost every time I’ve asked them to do it. This week has been easy. When I’ve asked them to do it, both my boys, 7 and 10, have done it. I made sure to tell them how much I appreciated that good behavior and how much better I feel when they do what I ask. Sometimes it’s hard to find something positive to say when it’s been “one of those days”, but you need to find different things to be positive about. It’s actually pretty simple when you think about it, you just have to remember to do it.
What to praise
- Self reliance
- Choices
- Ideas
- Creativity
- Hard Work
How to praise
- Give them a hug
- Tell them you love them (but not to get them to do something)
- Say it with words
Say:
- Nice job
- Way to Go
- The outfit you chose looks great.
- You fixed your hair really good day.
- Thanks for making the bed without me asking.
- Thanks for trying to get the garage picked up before your dad gets home.
- Your drawing skills have really improved. I can tell you’ve been working hard at it.
- That’s so awesome that you can make up your own songs on the guitar.
- You boys have worked really hard on that fort outside and it looks really good.
- That’s so creative that you put a sink in your fort so you can wash your hands. 🙂
- I’m glad you came home from your friends house to get your bathing suit instead of getting your clothes soaked.
Not all these will work for every child, but you can pick what can work for you. Try throwing some of these in everyday into your conversations with your children. Most kids probably know when they are doing something good, but it’s really nice to hear it too.