Accepting Your Family Is Complete

I have 3 kids and always thought it would be 4; however, after my daughter was born I felt like our family was complete.  We had 2 boys and now our little girl.  My husband and I both agreed that we felt 3 was the perfect number for our family.  I felt that I could still give each child their own time and make them feel special.

Accepting your family is complete

My youngest child just turned 5 and graduated preschool this week. It really had me thinking.  Am I REALLY done?  I loved breastfeeding.  It came natural to me and my babies.  I loved that baby smell.  I loved watching them turn from babies into toddlers.  I loved watching them turn from toddlers to independent children with their own personalities.  I love watching them discover new things.  And I know I would love watching my other kids with a new baby loving baby so much and spoiling him rotten.

After my daughter was born I got an IUD.  Well…  The five years is up and I’m really struggling with my options.  I’ve talked to the doctor about it too.  Should I get another IUD?  Should I get my tubes tied?  I also know too many women that don’t have a decision to make.  Unfortunately, their decision was made for them because of infertility or other causes.  Since I turn 40 this year,  I feel that it’s now or never.  Even though I thought we decided that we were done having babies a few years ago,  today I’m having a very difficult time ACCEPTING it.

It is easier to accept it when I am around my youngest friends’ families.  More often that I care to admit, I am the oldest mom in the group.  Most of them are just starting their families and it’s easy for me to forget that I’m over 10 years older than a lot of them.  And even though I feel a desire to have another baby, I ask myself: Do I really want to have another baby at 40?  2 or 3 years ago, sure; now, no, I don’t think so.  I made the right decision for our family.

I know so many women that just knew, after a certain child was born, their families were complete.  Their decision seemed so easy for them.  Before their last child was even born, they were very confident in their decision on their family size.  And I rarely talk to another mom that isn’t sure about having more kids, many just say yes or no, with perfect clarity.

I’m still, slowly and somewhat reluctantly, accepting that my family is complete and that door to my life is closing.  Do you feel the same way?  Did you know right away when your family was complete or did it take you awhile to accept it?

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17 Responses

  1. I completely understand your feelings Holly. I am an older mom as well – and my third one is 3 1/2. I thought I was done. I am done. But…when I think she is the last one to be potty trained, to move from a crib, to drink from a sippy cup – it makes me sad.

  2. Jennie says:

    I’m struggling too. I didn’t really get to “choose”, the decision was made for me by medical circumstances. I was diagnosed with stage 3b inflammatory breast cancer in 2014, which resulted in me needing to have my ovaries & fallopian tubes removed. We have 3 healthy, amazing kids but we’d always imagined 4. Our youngest will be finishing prek next school year & I can’t imagine not having one in this phase of life…. I’m thinking that’s also because it’s just the unknown aspect as well. The struggle is hard though.

  3. christy says:

    I have always felt this way. I jad my first two when we were on bcps. Then i carried a singleton for a friend, then twins for anothet friend. Then I found myself wantong more for us. Had a singletone. Then carried twins for another friend. We knew with baby #3 we wanted one more so after the twins were born we started planning out when to try. We are now pregnant with our 4th and even though i have always said I want 4, I am already sad thinking my baby days are numbered. Are we truly done? Maybe if i was younger, maybe of we had a bigger house, maybe if i did not get so sick in my first trimester…… I think i will have to be content until we have grandbabies. Husband wanted one. And I kept saying “one more and for reals we are done”. I think he has caught onto my scheme. I dont think we can do anymore even though he says he knows me and i will try but … 4 thats a lot for us. My husband works so much already. Who knows what our future holds but I am 70% sure the shop willbe closed after this one. I kind of want to move on to my next chapter as well and have my body back….

    • Holly says:

      Wow! How great for you! I was just telling my husband if we had started having babies sooner I’m sure we would have more. It is nice to have your body back though!

  4. I am in the opposite struggle, but my heart goes out to you 🙂 I am a single mom with one, and I know I’m not done, but I’m too busy being a mom to go back “out there” (I work from home) and find someone, so it’s a bit of weird predicament, lol.

  5. Vera says:

    I have 7 beautiful, wonderful, productive grown children. I was a stay-at-home mom for many years. I know most of you will think I’m crazy, but I loved having children. I had easy pregnancy’s until the last few (no morning sickness), and yet it was still hard for me to quit having babies. I yearned for a baby in my arms for many years. I now have 14 grandchildren and my love continues to expand. When to stop is different for everyone, and is between you, your spouse, and God. Enjoy the tender moments with your babies, they will grow to be your best friends. Enjoy motherhood!

  6. Christie says:

    Thanks for sharing this with us at Bloggers Brags. I’m pinning to our group board on Pinterest!

  7. I have to say I am not one of those moms who knows if their family is complete. I have 1 four-year-old, I thought I would have 3 or 4 kids by the time I turned 30… this is not the case. I constantly go back & forth about the decision to have another baby. I wish I was able to say yes or no. Anyway… Thanks for linking up at the Thoughtful Spot!

  8. Jill says:

    Knowing when you are really done is hard. I think we all struggle with the choice!

    Thank you for stopping by the Thoughtful Spot Weekly Blog Hop this week. We hope to see you drop by our neck of the woods next week!

  9. Deborah says:

    We are done. And it’s hard, but it’s okay at the same time. My fifth was really hard on my body. I think that I will be happy when we get through the last milestones with my last child.

  10. Sarah says:

    Hi! I am a new reader – love your blog!! I also live in Charlotte, NC – South Charlotte, specifically. We just moved here 9 months ago from AZ and we love it!!

    I am a mom to two little girls – ages 3 and almost 2. I go back and forth each and every day on whether or not I want more. I will be 30 in a month so I know I still have plenty of time to decide, but I also don’t think I’ll ever just “know.” Babies are so special and I can see me always wanting one even when I’m 50!

    Thanks for this post! Very encouraging!!

  11. Shauna Petersen says:

    I always felt we would have 5. Then our third was born severely handicapped, and took a ton of time and care. We were told she would only live a few years, so we thought we would delay any more kids and see what happened . Fortunately she lived until she was nearly 8, but we felt the rest of the family were getting too old to add new members, so we didn’t. But I still felt like we were missing those “other two” we always thought were “ours”. Long story short….we adopted two grandsons! One in 2004, and one in 2014, both when they were two. They have MORE than completed our family, and if I thought I was too old then, well, look at me now!

  12. Christina says:

    At least… I see I am NOT alone. I am living in Germany and here it’s the most common thing to have two kids. I do have three and some people think I am quite peculiar… 🙂 However, I would love to have one or two more as well. I am 39 now, due to my husband’s disability, he is tetraplegic, my three boys came to us thanks to fertility treatment. I’ve had two more attempts that did not work out the way we wished. I will give myself some time so my body can “reset” the hormones and my soul can have a rest. I totally love my boys and it would not be fair on them to make them feel they are “not enough” but as many of you have said: I don’t feel complete. To think of a baby’s smell and think of diapers and tiny clothes and sippy cups 🙂 make me sigh and smile.
    Thank you, all you strong and open- hearted women to share your thoughts! And your touching stories. All the best for you!

  13. Brittany Von Rissen says:

    Early in our marriage, my husband and I went back and forth on whether we wanted to have kids at all. We eventually found ourselves surrendering it to God, all of it. We decided that only He would control when and how many kids we have. I have to tell you how amazingly freeing it is to not have that decision on our shoulders. We now have a little boy and #2 is in heaven, but trust in the Lord has brought us peace. I’m so glad that God is in control!

  14. Tara says:

    We are going back and forth also about having a third. My son is 6 almost 7 and my daughter is 5. I will be 36 in February. I have many concerns about having another like the age difference between the baby and my two, space (we only have a 3 bedroom house), I need my sleep :), and my husband travels for work. I’m trying to not allow those worries get to me because I know things should fall into place but it’s still scary.

  15. Nici says:

    Thank you so much for this. I needed to know other women were struggling with this. I was previously married and by the time our youngest was born we were separated and barely speaking. I went through the entire, complicated pregnancy alone. So i decided at that I didn’t ever want to feel that way again so I had my tubes tied. Fast forward to now, I am remarried and we thought last maybe we would look into having my tubal reversed. Then I ran into a lot of health problems and ended up having a hysterectomy this last summer. Now I am really feeling that void of no more children. And never having children with my husband.

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