I have 3 kids and always thought it would be 4; however, after my daughter was born I felt like our family was complete. We had 2 boys and now our little girl. My husband and I both agreed that we felt 3 was the perfect number for our family. I felt that I could still give each child their own time and make them feel special.
My youngest child just turned 5 and graduated preschool this week. It really had me thinking. Am I REALLY done? I loved breastfeeding. It came natural to me and my babies. I loved that baby smell. I loved watching them turn from babies into toddlers. I loved watching them turn from toddlers to independent children with their own personalities. I love watching them discover new things. And I know I would love watching my other kids with a new baby loving baby so much and spoiling him rotten.
After my daughter was born I got an IUD. Well… The five years is up and I’m really struggling with my options. I’ve talked to the doctor about it too. Should I get another IUD? Should I get my tubes tied? I also know too many women that don’t have a decision to make. Unfortunately, their decision was made for them because of infertility or other causes. Since I turn 40 this year, I feel that it’s now or never. Even though I thought we decided that we were done having babies a few years ago, today I’m having a very difficult time ACCEPTING it.
It is easier to accept it when I am around my youngest friends’ families. More often that I care to admit, I am the oldest mom in the group. Most of them are just starting their families and it’s easy for me to forget that I’m over 10 years older than a lot of them. And even though I feel a desire to have another baby, I ask myself: Do I really want to have another baby at 40? 2 or 3 years ago, sure; now, no, I don’t think so. I made the right decision for our family.
I know so many women that just knew, after a certain child was born, their families were complete. Their decision seemed so easy for them. Before their last child was even born, they were very confident in their decision on their family size. And I rarely talk to another mom that isn’t sure about having more kids, many just say yes or no, with perfect clarity.
I’m still, slowly and somewhat reluctantly, accepting that my family is complete and that door to my life is closing. Do you feel the same way? Did you know right away when your family was complete or did it take you awhile to accept it?
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Nici
Friday 22nd of January 2016
Thank you so much for this. I needed to know other women were struggling with this. I was previously married and by the time our youngest was born we were separated and barely speaking. I went through the entire, complicated pregnancy alone. So i decided at that I didn't ever want to feel that way again so I had my tubes tied. Fast forward to now, I am remarried and we thought last maybe we would look into having my tubal reversed. Then I ran into a lot of health problems and ended up having a hysterectomy this last summer. Now I am really feeling that void of no more children. And never having children with my husband.
Tara
Tuesday 12th of January 2016
We are going back and forth also about having a third. My son is 6 almost 7 and my daughter is 5. I will be 36 in February. I have many concerns about having another like the age difference between the baby and my two, space (we only have a 3 bedroom house), I need my sleep :), and my husband travels for work. I'm trying to not allow those worries get to me because I know things should fall into place but it's still scary.
Brittany Von Rissen
Saturday 7th of November 2015
Early in our marriage, my husband and I went back and forth on whether we wanted to have kids at all. We eventually found ourselves surrendering it to God, all of it. We decided that only He would control when and how many kids we have. I have to tell you how amazingly freeing it is to not have that decision on our shoulders. We now have a little boy and #2 is in heaven, but trust in the Lord has brought us peace. I'm so glad that God is in control!
Holly
Sunday 8th of November 2015
Your story put a huge smile on my face.
Christina
Thursday 25th of June 2015
At least... I see I am NOT alone. I am living in Germany and here it's the most common thing to have two kids. I do have three and some people think I am quite peculiar... :) However, I would love to have one or two more as well. I am 39 now, due to my husband's disability, he is tetraplegic, my three boys came to us thanks to fertility treatment. I've had two more attempts that did not work out the way we wished. I will give myself some time so my body can "reset" the hormones and my soul can have a rest. I totally love my boys and it would not be fair on them to make them feel they are "not enough" but as many of you have said: I don't feel complete. To think of a baby's smell and think of diapers and tiny clothes and sippy cups :) make me sigh and smile. Thank you, all you strong and open- hearted women to share your thoughts! And your touching stories. All the best for you!
Shauna Petersen
Wednesday 17th of June 2015
I always felt we would have 5. Then our third was born severely handicapped, and took a ton of time and care. We were told she would only live a few years, so we thought we would delay any more kids and see what happened . Fortunately she lived until she was nearly 8, but we felt the rest of the family were getting too old to add new members, so we didn't. But I still felt like we were missing those "other two" we always thought were "ours". Long story short....we adopted two grandsons! One in 2004, and one in 2014, both when they were two. They have MORE than completed our family, and if I thought I was too old then, well, look at me now!